"every step is death, every grave is mother."

“For me, trees have always been the most penetrating preachers. I revere them when they live in tribes and families, in forests and groves. And even more I revere them when they stand alone. They are like lonely persons. Not like hermits who have stolen away out of some weakness, but like great, solitary men, like Beethoven and Nietzsche. "

-Hermann Hesse

-separation from society -embracing society of mind -creative productivity against depression -love of others after love of self through creative expression. -model of self to truly love self.

"A tree says: A kernel is hidden in me, a spark, a thought, I am life from eternal life. The attempt and the risk that the eternal mother took with me is unique, unique the form and veins of my skin, unique the smallest play of leaves in my branches and the smallest scar on my bark. I was made to form and reveal the eternal in my smallest special detail. "
-Hermann Hesse

-thought as internally motivated entropic force.

"A tree says: My strength is trust. I know nothing about my fathers, I know nothing about the thousand children that every year spring out of me. I live out the secret of my seed to the very end, and I care for nothing else. I trust that God is in me. I trust that my labor is holy. Out of this trust I live."

-Hermann Hesse

-illogic of hope/love in entropic environment. .

"When we are stricken and cannot bear our lives any longer, then a tree has something to say to us: Be still! Be still! Look at me! Life is not easy, life is not difficult. Those are childish thoughts. Let God speak within you, and your thoughts will grow silent. You are anxious because your path leads away from mother and home. But every step and every day lead you back again to the mother. Home is neither here nor there. Home is within you, or home is nowhere at all."
-Hermann Hesse



"every step is death, every grave is mother"

-Hermann Hesse


1. I've known I've needed to solve the problem of how to model animal motivation since sophomore year of college. Thousands of notebook pages, which have led to this, have been compulsively scribbled in the name of this problem. this, to me, is the deepest philosophical question we have, and I was not going to rest until I figured out how to model it. Now, as I lose faith in our planet's (or solar system's) ability or continued desire to give life, I have a motivator. we need strong intelligence for space-sustainability and we need to at least be able to get tons of people to live comfortably off this planet. otherwise, we have no safety buffer in a highly unpredictable environment-- simply stupid, given our current technological abilities.

2.making fucked up electronic music out of songs that I find beautiful and/or have significance in my life will always be a necessary therapy for me. getting praise for them became a motivating factor, a success feedback signal for my hard work.

I have since created hundreds of my weird little therapeutic songs, which have gotten various amounts of (necessary and helpful for self image) praise from a very nice experimental music forum, soundcloud.com. without this, I'd be a fuckin suicide case, no doubt. and it is this bolstering of self image, this becoming my own god, and being able to decide whole-heartedly whether or not I am dominant in ANY situation, whether deserved or not, which allowed me to figure out my main desire, modeling the powerful animal motivation system. I have given you all the basic info that got me here and I ask you to start while I continue to finish up my hambot model; which I know, now for certain, is mathematically modelable through the java programming language (or any programming language). I have solved the problem of modelling pain and thus the resulting energy logic (illogic). I have figured out the first step toward strong AI-- I am on the way to becoming the only definition of a god that works for me--something which has created something worth dominating-- and that makes me really happy. I don't need people in my life who can't have crazy conversations about this shit. this is the stuff of life and of thought. perhaps my little "social experiment" for the past year or so, has made that clear.

As an avid tree climber, I have earned the right to suggest you take a hint from Hesse and I, that you need to get outside more. get inspiration from nature and all of the little energy-based desire-forming systems like you; and never be afraid to answer the big questions. the answers are all in your head.

I absolutely recommend that you become your own god, but do so in a way that is ethically sound, mindful of our elders, and in pursuit of good creative love. I know I'll be looking.

also-- what I know you're thinking (I hope)--
fuck yeah I'm insecure. I've had esentially no one with whom to talk about this shit, the greatest questions in the world, my passion. no support. this whole "social experiment" bullshit was just an excuse to tell everyone in my life, my friends, my family, my teachers, society "hey, I have been pursuing the most noble goals possible, and I have fucking succeeded. so fuck you for not trying to foster it and not trying to help me model it and having so much doubt and caution and lack of interest, aside from a few decent conversations." *You* do not have the ability to give me the security I need, only I can do this for myself. I will still talk to you about these things, if you can bring yourself to ask me about them. I don't hold grudges. in fact, you, like the mother turtle, have, by placing me in such a harsh environment in which to do my learning, have inspired everything, in a sense. and I love you for that. I basically had to fail out of school to figure this shit out. there was just no other way to write thousands and thousands of notebook pages on something not related to my required school work. don't be afraid to learn and to teach yourself, but do so more cautiously than I did. I'll be trying to wake society up. you should too. try to talk to the crazy people more. they'll give you a good perspective on your own sanity or lack thereof.
Love,
David Atlas

this girl (the last time I felt any remnant of good, clean love)

I have discovered that it is not that difficult to replace the motivation (strong electrical up signal) that comes from dominance desires at the base of love with pure rage. they are very close relatives, hormonally speaking.

theArsonist 11:18 pm (last night)
http://www.inquisitr.com/144267/scientists-say-emc2-might-be-wrong-say-neutrinos-are-faster-than-light/

 Anisha 10:26 am
    [Offline IM sent 11m ago] old news!

 theArsonist 10:38 am
    well that's a good conversation starter, smarty pants

 theArsonist 10:40 am
    why people are so resistant to think baffles me
    oh wait, no it doesn't :)

 Anisha 10:43 am
    are you calling me hardheaded

 theArsonist 10:43 am
    sometimes

 Anisha 10:43 am
    ok..

 theArsonist 10:43 am
    it's a natural and logical tendency
    I am too

 Anisha 10:43 am
    no i dont believe in anything

 theArsonist 10:44 am
    what does that mean?
    you and I are not real?

 theArsonist 10:45 am
    if you are a fish, then I, too, am a fish.

 Anisha 10:46 am
    bird

 theArsonist 10:46 am
    fishy fishy
    and if you're a bird, then I'm a bird.

 Anisha 10:47 am
    i haveto go

 theArsonist 10:47 am
    will I talk to you again?

 Anisha 10:48 am
    if you behave

 theArsonist 10:48 am
    I am behaving so well, you have no idea.

 Anisha 10:48 am
    never behave

 theArsonist 10:49 am
    in a sense
    but with you personally
    I am behaving unreasonably well
    and I will continue to do so

 Anisha 10:49 am
    why

 theArsonist 10:49 am
    because I care about you

 Anisha 10:49 am
    ok ill talk to you laters

 theArsonist 10:50 am
    ok I hope so

I never really liked the theory of evolution all that much. Not because I don't consider monkeys to be my god-damned blood brothers, but because natural selection is just too fucking convenient as the primary force of evolution. There is, I have felt for a long time now, a unifying energy-based logic to all animal behaviors. They are not simply “Evolved” behaviors, which have, through the power of randomness and pure survival (the yet unknown and mysterious drive of meiosis and differentiation), yielded extremely complex (and counter-intuituve) behavior-patterns (see the baby sea turtle problem below). They are not random in any way. The resulting battles between desire-formation machines (like the (at least) two symbiotes living inside each one of our heads), intent on understanding the nature of electicity (their own and that of the outside world (their food)), which is, of course, The powering force of every animal, within a closed environment (like a skull), yields life (animals, plants, bacteria, viri, maybe). I like to think of the animal as a giant bag of parasites, successfully (more or less) surviving off of one another and deceiving one another to do it (we even have mites, arachnids, that live in our eyelids) If you think about it, any two things forced to live in the same closed environment with a limited amount of resources, will, by the definition of life, compete for resources with one another. Life is made up of many little battles, and the two desire-formation machines living inside our skulls compete for dominance like any other two systems. the fact that they are so similar (virtually identical at birth) only makes the battle that more intense. Desires, formed by these desire-formation machines, are groups of sensory data, organized situationally, with key representational information about energy usage and potential energy gain. I always felt like more of a Lamarkian, personally. I could never explain it. Natural selection is pretty fucking defeatist, if you think about it. You are as you are, but your next generation, oh your next generation-- it will be the the best parts of you AND your fuck buddy, so fear not. BORING. I change every day, my friends. Sometimes, I swear I can feel my brain growing (and shrinking), and with it, powerful changes in my approach to obtaining energy, pure electricity, in the most efficient way--my genetic code. Am I crazy? You better fucking believe it, but I do the best I can to explore my utter lack of sanity in as scientifically sound a way as possible. I do hope you'll listen.
It wasn't that many years ago, when they thought that post-childhood, the brain grew no new cells. seriously, guys? (Now they're rethinking how much DNA changes throughout the lifetime of a person) That's almost as terribile as how we approached the problem of modeling intelligence. First step, of course, being-- ignore the obvious external structure of the brain. The brain, my friends, is in TWO GENERAL PARTS, which are split right down the middle all the way through. yes, there are many parts to those parts, but it is this double core structure, which yields the miracle of life, the great battle--why it is extremely difficult for all animals above insects fail local minima/maxima problems on their progression through the game of life and why this is so fucking hard and confusing to model without expressing more of your own intelligence than anything related to the robot. why we cannot yet model intelligence that is even close to that of an insect.

Baby Sea Turtle Problem

You are a fresh young hatchling, itching to live. you pierce through your soft and now largely devoid-of-nutrients shell and are immediately met with a facefull of fucking sand. I think most of you, would agree that turtles have fairly well developed pain sensors, nerves, and we all know that sand in your mucousy parts is not too enjoyable. So, on my journey to discover the main, unifying factors of life, I asked myself, given that this must be painful as fuck, the first push, let alone the 100th push, through all of your siblings; are we to assume that masochism, systemically illogical, self-destructive behavior, is programmed into these young reptiles and that is why they, being faced with a simple energy logic problem, that of general energy falling as a factor of time (as suggested by pain sensors in the stomach, the assumed reason for leaving the egg in the first place), and a powerful pain stimulus, sand, do not decide to consume as little of this dwindling energy as possible, by shutting off their sensors (closing their eyes), staying still, and essentially going to sleep? This would be a logical response to pain, which is usually defined as a feeling suggestive of cell death (illogical behavior extinction signal), but as you can see at many coastal points, even in the US, this is not the case. What is the basis of this powerful and illogical hope, which, in the face of a simple diminishing energy problem, uses all available resources, rather than conserving?

The answer to that question about masochism is that masochism is probably one of the strongest and most universal sources of inspiration in the animal kingdom (venus in furs style, baby)(think of aggression (increased cell-death) as a sort of masochism). This is the reason cutters cut--opiate release from induced mass cell death. Masochism, stressing the system, helps; and blocking that induced pain signal becomes a priority of some unknown system in order to maintain the illusion of homeostasis for continued high-level functioning (not dwelling on pain). We do have a very powerful recharge system, which in the presence of pain accumulated throughout the day, seeks to use as little energy as possible, shut off sensors, and go to sleep. It's our sleep system, and our seeking-safe-shelter-to-do-it system. This system has many other important functions, we can begin to think about. To better frame this confusing problem, another parable:

Let's say your girlfriend of two years dumps you and fucks some ugly oboe playing retard from her work (and she gets thrown out in the morning). you have no friends because all you really care about is safe sex, drugs, and odd electronic music that's pretty difficult to listen to, but the only successful therapy you can find. so, you decide to curl up on the carpet and die. how long is that going to last? 6 hours? 8? sooner or later, the pains in your stomach will get so bad, that you will inevitably walk over sulkily to the refrigerator and find all your favorite comfort foods. point- it is really hard to want to die.

saying that pain implies cell death gives a bit of an incomplete sense of what animals perceive, and more importantly don't perceive, as pain. cells die every time your heart beats. every breath fucks those pretty little grape-like lungbubbles of yours; and every movement you make and thought you think, smile you crack, and laugh you laugh encourages cell death in a very direct way. so, what determines what kinds of cell death we do and do not perceive?

how do we begin to model?

Think about each unit of life from the cell onward as an energy-maintenance-based desire-formation system (desires are situationally based action sets based on abilities). This means there are MANY “conscious” units, in that they have some general form of energy-utilizing/understanding desire, that likely make up what we think of as animals. In a way, we've been talking about this since Darwin, but not directly. We've always talked about our basic desire/instinct as reproduction (meiosis +differentiation), but seriously, that is the most mystical shit out there. Up there with how we try to “heal” cancer, and god. The notion that we are the hormone-crazed puppets of some unknown force, compelling us to fuck, which makes us miserable when we're not fucking who we think we should be fucking or not fucking fucking anyone at all; probably makes most a little uncomfortable, but that's essentially what science leaves our life-drive to. this is a lot of power we attribute to some unknown biological force, our motivation system.

When I say that the basic unit of life is that which contains desire, an energy-maintenance desire-formation system, I mean that it's NOT all about sex and that sex and reproduction is a by-product, merely a way of trying to understand the nature of our own energy in a way that doesn't kill us and can potentially aid us in numerous ways (and is a HIGHLY electrically active event, oddly enough, mentally and physically). I ask you, though-- As an animal father, a mere sperm donor among many possible sperm donors, what is to keep you from obtaining energy from little fleshy things that come out of your current female interest's abdomen (random tidbit-- daddy longleg rape battles are insane) in the most direct way-- by eating them? the answer is-- ynothing! it is completely logical to try to form strong desires around eating your children. take that metaphor as far as you want. haha... This is why ethical systems of old, our major religions, regardless of how much hate they have caused, were very useful in maintaining a working society long ago. It is logical to want to rape your daughter in order to get a better understanding of your own pleasure chamicals, which are kept in these crazy fucking puzzles (unrealistic/impossible desire-based hormone-puzzles cause depression/suicide), by this subconscious system that wants to reproduce so it can DOMINATE and understand the energy of this other elecrically-active creature, it has created; to which no one else has direct access (pretty fucked up). Ethics helps us realize that this person, unless you are planning to kill him or her after you do your deeds, must grow up and must understand their personal energy (the sexual aspects of it) for themselves, without the help of a parent. The continued functionability of this child becomes more of a priority than getting your rocks off, and this leads to something similar to what we have now, which is a system in which two parents (if possible) raise a small number of progeny, and protect them while these progeny figure out “love” for themselves, in safe, guarded environments. This is why I don't hate religions. I usually welcome conversations with very devout people, if they are simply willing to listen to my reasoning. This last part generally covers the problem of evil, a major topic of religion, and largely why it exists-- it is often very logical to do some very wrong things. This is why some female spiders have to do that dirty job of protecting their babies. with the introduction of aggression hormones to promote those crazy protective mom instincts we all know and love, from the male, along with half of his genetic code, she kills him. she ultimately gets to understand this set of energy. She wins this battle (mothers rarely, but sometimes eat their babies, in mice). based on environment and social structure, maintaining babies, teaching them your energy-getting ways, and reaping non-sexual benefits becomes more and more logical from an energy-logic perspective.

So we have arrived at love. First of all, Love is extremely fucking jealous and aggressive and parasitic in its pure, unethiciszed form. It, like all of our behaviors, as the hormonal basis for many of our bahaviors (though really all about dominance (and the rage associated with not having it/obtaining it)), is pure energy logic. It takes on a rather random form, given all the limits we put on understanding our own energy (getting our dicks wet, so to speak), but in its pure form, it is a rapist cannibal gravedancer.

speaking of arachnids, let's talk really low level-- ants. I like ants because of the crazy social structures that visibly evolve. what I love more about them is that we tend to think of them as automatons with an if clause. an unknown if clause, which allows for what we call "group intelligence." hmmm sounds like fishy business to me... how I explain this if clause, which allows for some of the most intricate and complex architecture, among other incredibly complex behavior (and that's only what we can perceive. we have no idea about how to mentally (let alone physically) represent the chemically rich pheromone world of insects) is rogue behavior-- that desire to separate from the group, or at least the ability to be able to do so effectively. that invaluable power to determine a situation (a group of desires represented as options and energy consequences) as logical or illogical from an energy perspective. Not all ants have the ability. and I have seen many a worker fall prey to the local maxima problem, at which point they stop and wait for an electical response to reactivate them. (though they do have a built-in fail-safe, which is electrical activation from another electrically active creature. anyway, the coding of insect desires, I believe, is the basis for the true nature of DNA. When this rogue behavior happens, these rogues (opposite of workers), and their mates and forced (either by choice or natural occurence) to figure out new ways to do things. nature can throw some pretty crazy shit at you. these "new ways to do things" can be represented as desires. strong desires, with movement patterns encoded into them and who the hell knows what else. this is all bullshit theory, kinda, but it's good shit to think about. the truth is, we don't know how many of these desire formation systems are in the body, which ones are in control of which hormones and neuro-transmitters--which ones control the conscious us in which ways. This will take a lot of testing to figure out. I am ready. Again, good stuff to think about. Based on simple genetic experiments done on pea plants-onward, we know how genetics works. when these rogues have babies, some of the babies inherit this rogue instinct and some do not and some kinda do, which likely can all be sensed chamically. from these encoded needs and desires, social structure can be formed based on energy- maintenance information determined by pain sensors. from this, all of the jobs, originally done by the founding couple get passed down automatically and as every job has more participants, the structures grow as does the apparent "intelligence" of the hive, but I will argue the only real intelligent ants are the king and queen, who chemically make sure they stay the only intelligent ants, until it is time to hand down the thrown and let some more intelligent beings into the mix.

the rogue instinct, of course, alive in us all (probably the basis for much “ADHD”-type behavior (likely our next evolution which we so entusiastically medicate into obedience, potentially dulling their most powerful tools), caused by the completely illogical act of staying still most of the day in a fucking classroom, learning things which are not even presented in an intresting matter, and the lack of an ability to learn about anything you really WANT to learn about (directly and at a fast pace, anyway)—literally an itch to get the fuck out and be “productive” (at least give them and the kids who are forced to be overweight variable resistance pedals on their death-benches (desks)), though not allowed to fully activate in many, due to societal determinations of how, what, and when to learn, has evolved into a system which goes against all energy logic, if necessary, by gaining dominance (dominance of systems is based on blood flow to these desirous areas), in an attempt to get more energy for the system, but in a very illogical way. the notion of promoting cell death simply by hunting is important to think about here. masochism is required, on some level, to get food for most animals, suggesting the existence of our trial-and-failure-based learning styles of the rogue exploratory system (and it's counterpart and arch-enemy(perhaps gate keeper to its blood flow, the safety system). yes, yes, I generalize like a fucking madman. Get over it. Our two main systems are one kinda safe one(-), and one kinda exploratory one(+), though they have tons of other wonderful qualities. It is this dual structure and the nature of this dominance battle and the nature of the timing of the dominance switch**, on which we must focus. we know from baby sea turtles that there are pain thresholds which can yield powerful switches of dominance due to high levels of actual cell death and pain, eventually yielding freedom from the sand-- but how do we represent this pain, caused by the failure of sleep to do anything about the noticeability of this energy problem? Even if the claim that this highly illogical act of pushing all the way through the coarse sand is just a fixed action pattern caused by survival evolution sways you, given the pain sensing abilities of reptiles, there is some crazy endogenous-opiate shit going on to produce this behavior, which directly promotes cell death over and over.

modeling this, what allows us to be motivated in the face of pain, when it is logical to turn off, but pretty impossible, I believe, is the main question here, brothers and sisters, and the key to animal motivation, present in us all, to some degree, though very strong in some. There are hints, ever so slight, of unconscious systems trying to gain energy. the slightest of which, I believe is the key to modeling anything close to desire, given our technology and current understanding of chemistry. some of them include yawning (and accompanying stretching (both of which cause cell death, but also cause a bit of metabolism or blood flow or however you want to think about it) and shivering, an energy recycling response to cold (looks very similar to the shaking that occurs when yawning); the cell death present during thought, I believe, is the craziest of all, though. yes, every thought, every electrical impulse that travels through your brain terrorizes it, but also creates usable data structures, somehow. desires, I call them. **Destruction (of cells), in a robust system, like an animal, yields production on various levels, including cell replication*. These desires contain bits of all kinds of sensory data, chemically, and physically represented symbolic coding (probably more crazy chemical shit that will take a little bit of effort to comprehend). this phenomenon yields a really good data structure and the basis of what is called "learning" in AI. we can create really powerful learning systems, systems that can teach themselves with internal data structures, but this isn't intelligence worth shit. Watson (the jeopardy bot) will be a great tool once we figure out animal motivation schemes-- the motivation to use it, but before then, it's a lifeless gimmick. The biggest joke in AI is that one "ethical robot," NAO. Oh, jesus. calling that thing intelligent is like saying memory foam is intelligent. In order to even pursue a mildly intelligent machine we need to go the opposite route. early life, fuck, even late life is brutal and antiethical (it seeks to understand walls, rather than avoid them). it is selfish and about understanding the nature of electricity. if you didn't get that before, the energy, of which I speak is real electricity. it is harnessed by our bodies and used to pleasurably kill its own cells. and it's measurable with simple voltage meters.

so, what is the nature of this energy, so we can begin to model something to properly use it?
we went over insects. plants, I'll go over quickly. I found out about the interesting nature of plant energy while I was married to sweet little gracie. I had bought a voltmeter and lucky bamboo/not bamboo bullshit thing and I was shoving wires of different sizes into the plant, just to check its energy levels and if these would change with differently sized wires (baby steps, weird little awkward baby steps). I thought I noticed a sharp rise when I would first penetrate the outer layer of the plant. I toyed with it more, and found that as I shoved more wires in, the voltage across the whole plant (a response)(the non-root portion) was slightly increasing. this made me aware of bio-available energy levels, the levels at which the body deals with electricity, which is best measured in millivolts. too much electricity creates a shock sensation--too much cell death, but under that threshold, should be able to be harnessed, given our highly electrical nature and conductive bodies.

I started doing some remnant of reiki while writing my subjective dictionary, my senior project for the columbus academy (one of the few enjoyable parts (along with Mr. Morrin's class) of the whole ordeal, really, though it almost caused me to not graduate). I noticed that when I attempted to exert a moving force on an object that was similar in weight to me or more, my arms and my whole body would start resonating at a certain frequency. almost like a working seizure. it happens to everyone. try to push the wall nearest to you into the next room. you must throw all or nearly all of your body's weight force into it. you'll recognize it. now take your hands away from the wall and maintain that signal. that's it. It might take a while, but it's kinda flexing your arm muscles without flexing your bicep. it's really not mystical at all, but the implications of it are powerful. this working signal, made obviously of real, transferrable energy (given that every part of the human body is conductive, from skin to bone)is our active access to our metabolism (without much moving required). it can potentially help us in a number of ways, including decreasing search time for a system designed to send attacking chemicals to find invading desires/desire deviators (viruses and bacteria, carcinogens), at the very least. this signal probably also has homeostatic implications. I find that it vastly decreases muscle and bone pain, well most pain, really (I've always suffered from headaches. My blessing and my curse, as, given a fear of damaging my liver and kidneys with pain meds, they allowed me to become more in touch with my pain, on a deeper level than most get to, I think. Headaches became puzzles for me and then I discovered reiki and could, with a bit of time and effort, solve most of them (though it does take a while). did I mention this signal you just felt in your hands is transferrable, with practice, to all parts of your body, head, neck, legs, with practice. Though I advise you to explore slowly because injury is very possible, with misuse (use of hands as stabilizers for the neck is important(you will also notice that joint cracking is highly related to this and must be expected, though it should be a nice sensation, not violent). the implications of having more active control over blood flow must not be taken lightly.

We also have active control over our respiratory systems(we can force air in and out of our and lungs), which are designed to store oxygen, and, in our highly polluted cultures, end up storing tons and tons of toxins, and even make it difficult to access these toxic air pockets. Burping is an active breathing system, which solves this problem, you can completely clear your lungs, in order to take in new air, if you have been in a toxic environment recently (or smoking(to minimize damage)). your stomach gasses, excess stuff burned off by stomach juices, should also be expelled, as to lessen pressure pains caused by gasses being forced through your system. Burping also happens to be a social taboo. Because humans are fucking dumb. (and cleaning the body's natural air filter with the aptly shaped tools on the ends of your arms...)

The only thing I hate about reiki is how mystical it is kept, when it is something we should all be made aware of. it's a basic biological signal that we generally ignore. it is the stuff of yawn-stretches and shivers and that repetitive restless leg impulse. The draw of keeping something mystical is money. fucking greedy humans is why I hate reiki (it could be worse, but is still pretty disgraceful, in my book), but the energy manipulation aspect of it is the important part. a lot of forms of reiki are pretty damn passive-- the power of stationary thought. without activating this powerful signal to its physically visible (more powerful) potential, which a few of the crazier reik-masters do (or so I've heard), you're simply doing what you're trying to do less actively than you could be. The controlled seizure aspect of energy manipulation shit might take some getting used to. I find it relaxing.

before I start this next section, I want to say-- fuck your science for being afraid and threatened by magic. seriously fuck the rejection of our elders' attempts at understanding the nature of desire. we don't know what the limits of desire containing organisms are. planets, stars, plants, rocks, your liver, who knows what the limits are. (people have even implicated water as having memory, which would imply desire in my theories...hahaha (though most likely, due to the polar nature of water, and simply an imprint of the handler's energy patterns (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeTTCeqBwjc&feature=related). This is a similar memory to memory foam, and why water is so powerful to animals). I beg you, future scientists-- don't fear magic. there is so much we can't explain and how temping it is to create false solutions to the great questions of animal motivation in chemical triggers, meaninglesss chemical triggers in the body, which lead to more chemical triggers. These are not reasons, these are the beginnings of reasons-- defeatist attempts at solving the msyeries of life. fuck science as it is today. fuck how we fight cancer (a bit too reminiscent of US foreign policy). fuck, too, how we fight bacterial infection (with antibiotics, when we know probiotics can work just as effectively) fuck societal taboos on burping, our active breathing and excess gas clearing system. we try so hard to actively pursue our unseen enemies, disease, when cancer is probably just a perfectly logical, systemic decision, based on very finely tuned energy-logic sensors, that continued existence within a current system is completely illogical; and they are right. look at our fucking society, which encourages people of all ages to sit for most of the day, when they should be taking reiki breaks to push our blood around and actually fight foreign invaders actively, the natural, noninvasive way. And when they get out of their stationary job, they go and relax in front of the fucking televisions (false-productivity reward signal), drinking their universally activatable pain/death signals from decomposing plant material). this is not what we are created to do. We need to hunt elk for dinner with flint knives we just hammered at for a few hours. this is not how to perpetuate life. and then we kill the result of our fucked up society. this innocent desire formation system, instead of making the system as a whole more logical to survive inside. at least give our kids and your workers pedals on these death-benches in which you make them stay and crunch numbers all day long. we encourage anti-creativity with our mass education systems. I didn't really deal with that too well, I guess.

biological energy origins

so there is a certain level of energy which can be usefully harnessed by biological/cellularly based organisms (e-based desire formation systems, which, by the way, should theoretically be pretty simple to model), more than which causes a shock sensation--too much cell death. A new science field, like physics must be created out of variables which describe energy trends. and can, in turn, be used to describe action-based desire scenarios and logic/usefulness determination schemes.
simply put:
λ-e up event (perceived and actual must be dealt with differently)

ν-e down event

φ-safety system dominance marker

ξ-exploratory system dominance marker

cell death indicators, could be useful, to determine perceived pain vs. real pain (and the levels of electricty which kills a cell, or makes it illogical to continue existence--forces apoptosis**). throw in a time variable and you're set.

pain (a simple electrical signal) should be able to be quantized. Blam. Yes. I discovered this when I was fucking around on youtube one day and found a video called John Hutchison- Free energy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XK206oAmF_M
essentially a crazy physics dude talking about harnessing zero point energy, a very real source of energy, measurable with a common voltmeter, and probably the basis of bioavailable energy. I felt his method of gathering energy, though it has powerful implications, goes about harnessing crytal energy rather passively. We know that the core of our earth is very active (electricity up the ass, obviously), but we don't know the nature of this electricity. my theories suggest that this electrical activity implies a desire-formation system. the nature of this system, if it exists, is beyond our current comprehension abilities. anyway, crystals are a remnant of this earth energy, frozen in our atmosphere. crystals get very large in places, like the giant crystal caverns that discovery channel did a piece on a while back (which is another example of science declaring it has figured something out...christ) these are a surface result of some crazy energy source (likely a desire formation system, on some weird level) and that they themselves, even when broken off, contain energy, tells us that this energy source is A. packing energy very efficiently, and B. should be pretty fucking plentiful in each little bit of crystal. We have been using quartz (in watches, most notably) for so many years and have since discounted it as one of those crazy natural things (those who even thinks about crystals anymore-- though they are in all of our machines)(you probably started reading about crystals and said to yourself, "oh my god, is this guy serious?" well yes, yes I am. and serious with a scientific basis : ) ). After I realized that they way that wonderful man Hutchison was getting electricity to read on the voltmeter was probably a really passive way of collecting that energy, I did some testing on some crystals. Yeah... haha. and I found that the negative terminal (the narrower side)releases a very small amount of energy with an energy source inputted into the + terminal of the crystal. and more, with smaller voltages-- (I had a 3 volt minimum electricity supply, which limited my testing abilities). this suggests bioavailable levels of activation. so yeah, energy should be able to be transferred from crystals and to crystals by an electrical body (the nature of this energy that is transferred or contained in the crystal, I have as little clue as you and the crystal witches you can find all over the internet, and probably much less than them). it is potentially a usable form of energy for a human or any animal. if you deny that, without testing it, you are an idiot. Theoretically, some energy displacement should occur, given my testing and laws of electricity displacement, which should therefore be measurable. Pain, a simple electrical signal (buffered, but suggestive of cell death), should be able to be transferred to an energy receptive element, like a quartz crystal, and it should displace some energy already inside the crystal. Period. to me, zero point energy (which is only present after the crytal is broken from its growth source(before which, it is non-zero point, by definition, I believe)) can be harnessed, but we have to figure out how. and it might not be to power our cars, but to power us. pain could very well be measurable through, and perhaps transferrable to, a medium like a crystal, and this would certainly be very valuable in modelling this counterintuitive beast.

Is this the answer to cancer? probably. the systematic depowering of rogue desire formation systems in the body(and the systematic powering of others(along with other, life-activating changes, so to speak)), might induce a reintegration, from a logical perspective, but who am I to guess? One should also be able to rid oneself of pain pretty well, theoretically speaking, of course ( ;) ) I'm analyzing based on the physical data I have. I am motivated by what we do not know, which so greatly exceeds what we think we know. I ask you to question everything. I haven't given away everything here, but it's a good bit of information to get everyone started.

started? 

yeah. this planet might very well be reaching the end of a cycle of life-giving ability, for all we know (this happens periodically). and There in the beautiful desert of the middle east, an oasis, Israel-- a land, which given all of the land-shifts recently, and given its nice little position sandwiched between two giant fucking landmasses is the saddest story in the fucking world. brothers killing brothers. my brothers. brothers who need to be sharing their resources with the brothers whom they've somewhat empathizably, though very complexly and painfully (and pretty fucking unethically) displaced and partially imprisoned, in order to solve this problem (and the problem of forced displacement due to imperial bullshit)-- this problem of how and why we think. why? because not only could Israel go, at any moment, but we could ALL be forced to abandon the earth for a whole shitload of reasons. you can't stay underground when the ground isn't stable. in order to sustain life floating around in space(which we must, at least, have the ability to do, given our technological abilities), we need VERY intelligent systems. systems, which can maintain plants and animals in order to feed us, systems that can gather these plants and animals for the families living inside them, systems which can learn to maintain themselves. we need a great deal of intelligence if we have any hope of surviving. we know that periodically the earth becomes unlivable, yet we do nothing to prevent our extinction. perhaps this is related to the fact that I have met ONE single individual at the university of Illinois, one of the top Engineering schools in the country, who was interested in exploring psychology and Electrical eng/ comp sci. one person who was self-motivated to study the most fundamental problems of life. how fucking sad. I've tried to motivate a few. Perhaps with mild success. what has our society become that spawns such dullards. these are the major philosophical questions, my friends. Socrates facepalm. and I can barely find anyone who can even enjoy hypothesizing about them with me for more than a few minutes. jesus christ.

speaking of whom, I ask you to think about the definition of a god. especially in the personal sense. in the judeo-christian world, god is an extremely removed character (at least 2000 years) unless you count crazy people prophets, with which even if he or she was communicating, would still put him or her in a very removed position, a position of supreme dominance, and an extreme form of dominance, at that, given he or she created all living things(what are the ramifications of a father leaving a family for even one year or two years, I ask you). A god to me, is someone who has created something worth dominating, something worth watching develop-- something which contains desire. The judeo christian god is confusing, to say the least, which is why I feel it is a manifestion of the ethical responsibility we all have inside of us. In case there is a god, assuming you'd like to favor well in his or her omnipotent eyes, how should you conduct yourselves most effectively, given general ethical guidelines. Hell, the christians even say that the holy spirit lives in each of us. This is kinda what makes christianity so scary-- some sects have made “accepting jesus into your life” into saying a few words and basically blaming all your wrongdoings on the poor guy. What it should mean is study what we have saved. The stories about him and his buddies. Take them with a grain of salt. People exaggerate because telling stories, being creative, is fun( Biologically rewarded behavior!). Bring the fun and creativity back to learning, heads of universities. Encourage asking the big questions. Our major universities were founded in order to prove god's existence. I think that's pretty fucking noble compared to the shallow and money driven shit we dwell in currently; and if god is something which has created something worth dominating, these lovable bags of parasites, worth watching, worth getting enjoyment from, and learning about the nature of his or her own energy from, that sounds fun as fuck. I have tried my best to give you the tools here to become your own god. the best part about this problem of animal motivation is that we have all the answers firmly planted in our heads, working away every second of every day, systematically killing itself by thinking, by laughing, by enjoying life. Systematically killing itself in a largely unpredictable game of life, an impossible puzzle, which seems, for very logical reasons, to be very solvable-- the impossible puzzle of staying on.

Read Slower. Look Deeper. Love Harder.
David Atlas

P.S. Dear Steve Jobs, I will help you cure your cancer in return for access to your computers and computer building machines. Same goes for anyone who is willing to say fuck science and have a good conversation with me about everything we almost know, but don't. My email address is on this blog

Dear Israelistine: shut the fuck up and hug it out. I love you. teach. learn. talk.

Dear Japanese people- you have (and are still probably being) been exposed to high levels of radiation (perhaps we all have). I ask you to encourage your body's natural cancer-defenses with reiki. you guys "found" it. please encourage its use(for free).

Dear soundcloud community- you are the the most beautiful blossoming creatively charged minds I know. SO much respect, you have no idea. I beg that you use your powerful self motivation skills and creative learning skills to learn a computer language, if you don't know one already (java is fun as fuuuck), and work on this problem. you as possessors of strong motivation systems, have even more of the keys to this shit than most, I'd say... Let's do this. Pm me to chat.