“For me, trees have always been the most penetrating preachers. I revere them when they live in tribes and families, in forests and groves. And even more I revere them when they stand alone. They are like lonely persons. Not like hermits who have stolen away out of some weakness, but like great, solitary men, like Beethoven and Nietzsche. "
oh, the importance of both the desire AND the ability to successfully separate from the colony and to pursue what you KNOW to be the RIGHT pursuits, given environmental stressors. This choice to separate from society is not easy. (microsocieties included) and learn to dwell in the society of the mind and reap the benefits of the great battle taking place between two powerful energy-based desire formation systems, your two brain hemispheres, competing for resources, hormone-laden blood from the MASTER desire-formation system, your hormone controller, your genetalia, who keeps your good feelings, your love feelings, your good-progress-toward-understanding-the-nature-of-your-own-energy feelings, in puzzles, based on perceived desires, to which it clearly has access (visual arousal)-- learning to suppress the hormones which induce anxiety over not getting your rocks off with that special someone, based on all the sexy people you've seen in your life, and based on self-conception and who seems reasonable to want (given rape is not too permissable in our society)-- a person who might very well be completely out of your league is the most important skill a human can have. impossible romance puzzles lead to depression and suicide, antisuccess signals galore. and these are just simple dominance progress rewards--love is about all about dominance in its pure form. all motivation is related to sex/dominance/money(tangible representation of energy), which are all themselves related to the same dominance hormones-- the ones which create the illusion of love and make it seem logical to not be completely selfish for a minute, but looking at the divorce rate.... the impossible problem of love is what propels life, but so often it is just an illusion. sex gets old and unified creative drive, which I believe is the key to real love, finding suitable adventure buddies, becomes rather difficult.
"A tree says: A kernel is hidden in me, a spark, a thought, I am life from eternal life. The attempt and the risk that the eternal mother took with me is unique, unique the form and veins of my skin, unique the smallest play of leaves in my branches and the smallest scar on my bark. I was made to form and reveal the eternal in my smallest special detail. "
oh, the power of self-propogating, situationally-structured desire entities.
"A tree says: My strength is trust. I know nothing about my fathers, I know nothing about the thousand children that every year spring out of me. I live out the secret of my seed to the very end, and I care for nothing else. I trust that God is in me. I trust that my labor is holy. Out of this trust I live."
HOPE, this blind trust in the face of extinction stimuli (pain/anxiety) of which the man speaks, my friends, is the key to activating the completely illogical (at times; see baby turtle problem) desire to live, given the extreme pain of love and disease and the unpredictability of our sweet mother earth. HOPE, this blind trust in the unknown, leads to a perception switch-- our motivation to solve the problems of life. it is not active, it is extremely passive especially in the case of the baby turtle (see below)--you must consciously give up, though it can be with understanding of our dominance-based pleasure hormone-system. the tree goes against the unforgiving nature of nature. though, I would argue, on some level, as a desire formation system, which led to the evolution of our own desire formation systems, this tree does have a type of knowledge of its babies from energy-success feedback systems, and it is this attempt to understand itself through non-fatal self-reproduction, and the inherent dominance of another, similar species to yourself, our sex, which suggesta the highly structured self-propagating DESIRE-formation aystems that are present in plants and animals (and parts of animals) and possibly even planets and stars.
"When we are stricken and cannot bear our lives any longer, then a tree has something to say to us: Be still! Be still! Look at me! Life is not easy, life is not difficult. Those are childish thoughts. Let God speak within you, and your thoughts will grow silent. You are anxious because your path leads away from mother and home. But every step and every day lead you back again to the mother. Home is neither here nor there. Home is within you, or home is nowhere at all."
what did your mother give you? a fallback system. one that completely ignores the energy problem of life (e falling as a factor of time) with the help of a system resulting from highly specialized pain receptors, the endogenous optiates that shut them up, and a hormone/chemical gatekeeper, our genetalia, a self-propagating desire formation system with the ability to produce self-propagating desires formation systems, which then, hopefully mature to form desire systems of their own. crazy recursion. nnnng. all to understand the nature of electricity and how to get it and use it most effectively.
god, our mother, the cause to our life and motivation to live, is in everyone. this is an important metaphor. live ethically, people, but become your own god. we must form our own ethics based around the tenets of nature, and how we can most effectively understand the nature of our own energy without hurting the necessary energy/love curiosity adventure (life) of that resulting individual that sexual pleasure creates. this person who is a part of you (tempting to want to dominate), but of whom you must let go. and we must not be slaves to our dominating instincts, for love is real. I have felt it-- the ability to create; to understand the nature of one's own energy, one's own mind and mental limitations, through the power of art and creativity and sexual trust with another person, in whom you can respect and find beauty and can fuck when you NEED to-- to release those dominance feelings unfortunately linked to the hormones required to reproduce and required for love-- it exists, this love, but you must look for it. it is hard to make a successful dominance battle (a relationship) between two crazy dominance battles (huamans) and you need that crazy experimental creative drive if you have any hope of real love. and you must foster this in yourself, because roguing together is the only hope we have to maintain that impossible problem of love-- overcoming selfishness.
"every step is death, every grave is mother"
a very elegant phrasing for framing the baby turtle problem below.damn, Hesse says some pretty smart shit for a white dude. I find they tend to be the most dull and most loveless. look how easy it is for so many christian sects to accept jesus into your life. and thus have someone to blame and someone from whom to ask for forgiveness--
if you want to accept jesus (or whoever) you better study all the fucking texts we have (or the texts of your favorite deity) in your free time, instead of watching law and order marathons. salvation is simple. being RIGHT is simple. Being your own god is simple--if you choose to make it so, but that's not ethical. charlie sheen (and many other high profile individuals) have done this successfully, and while it might push people away, it doesn't matter because they have all the acceptance they need in their own head (and in charlie sheen's case, enough of a fanbase to keep his dick wet), without putting forth needed human resources-- love. they have no anxiety about doing the WRONG thing. they can do no WRONG things. They automatically DOMINATE all other people with whom they come into contact, by just being being themselves. they even have little reinforcement words for themselves, #winning, from some unknown desire-formation system within the body that has the ability to produce anxiety, in the present of WRONG actions, and clearly has a basic (and useful) understanding of the english language. this is a GREAT mental health strategy, regardless of the social ramifications. but, if you're not pursuing the great philosophical questions of life and/or other revolutionary behavior (required for our continued survival), are you really worth more than your weight in dogshit?
I have begun to do a social experiment with it. it is easy to build a superiority complex, but how easy it is to rogue out on radio head-- other peoples' music. and then what are you left with when you lose control of those hormones? nothing. you see? I have created this aggression, this anger, towards all that gets between me and my perceived, desired, sex (little fucker), which I "don't need anymore," but my solutions to these rage issues that became my motivation scheme, were creative solutions. the current form of my motivation. my pursuits both needed and deserved praise, compared to nearly all other people (I can barely find anyone with whom to talk about motivation modeling on a computer-- it's fucking "nerdy" as shit. our greatest, most personal philosophical question has essentially become a social taboo). I have solved the greatest problem in the universe arguably, the problem of the perpetual motion machine, the driven, motivated machine, my friends. how to model the powerful animal motivation system and does anyone want to talk to me about it? not nearly sufficiently.
my "godly" pursuits:
1. I've known I've needed to solve the problem of how to model animal motivation since sophomore year of college and thousands of notebook pages, which have led to this, have resulted. this, to me, is the deepest philosophical question we have, and I was not going to rest until I figured out how to model it. Now, as I lose faith in our planet's (or solar system's) ability or continued desire to give life, I have a motivator. we need strong intelligence for space-sustainability and we need to at least be able to get tons of people to live comfortably off this planet. otherwise, we have no safety buffer in a highly unpredictable environment-- stupid, given our current technological abilities.
2.making fucked up electronic music out of songs that I find beautiful and/or have significance in my life will always be a necessary therapy for me. getting praise for them became a motivating factor, a success feedback signal for my hard work.
I have since created hundreds of my weird little therapeutic songs, which have gotten various amounts of (necessary and helpful for self image) praise from a very nice experimental music forum, soundcloud.com. without this, I'd be a fuckin suicide case, no doubt. and it is this bolstering of self image, this becoming my own god, and being able to decide whole-heartedly whether or not I am dominant in ANY situation, whether deserved or not, which allowed me to figure out my main desire, modeling the powerful animal motivation system. I have given you all the basic info that got me here and I ask you to start while I continue to finish up my hambot model; which I know, now for certain, is mathematically modelable through the java programming language (or any programming language). I have solved the problem of modelling pain and thus the resulting energy logic (illogic). I have figured out the first step toward strong AI-- I am on the way to becoming the only definition of a god that works for me--something which has created something worth dominating-- and that makes me really happy. I don't need people in my life who can't have crazy conversations about this shit. this is the stuff of life and of thought. perhaps my little "social experiment" for the past year or so, has made that clear.
As an avid tree climber, I have earned the right to suggest you take a hint from Hesse and I, that you need to get outside more. get inspiration from nature and all of the little energy-based desire-forming systems like you; and never be afraid to answer the big questions. the answers are all in your head.
I absolutely recommend that you become your own god, but do so in a way that is ethically sound, mindful of our elders, and in pursuit of good creative love. I know I'll be looking.
also-- what I know you're thinking (I hope)--
fuck yeah I'm insecure. I've had esentially no one with whom to talk about this shit, the greatest questions in the world, my passion. no support. this whole "social experiment" bullshit was just an excuse to tell everyone in my life, my friends, my family, my teachers, society "hey, I have been pursuing the most noble goals possible, and I have fucking succeeded. so fuck you for not trying to foster it and not trying to help me model it and having so much doubt and caution and lack of interest, aside from a few decent conversations." I will still talk to you about these things, if you can bring yourself to ask me about them. I don't hold grudges. in fact, you, like the mother turtle have, by placing me in such a harsh environment, in which to do my learning, have inspired everything, in a sense. and I love you for that. I basically had to fail out of school to figure this shit out. there was just no other way to write thousands and thousands of notebook pages on something not related to my required school work. don't be afraid to learn and to teach yourself, but do so more cautiously than I did. I'll be trying to wake society up. you should too. try to talk to the crazy people more. they'll give you a good perspective on your own sanity or lack thereof.